Wednesday, June 14, 2006

wisdom


dear friend Peggy Campolo once told me that people change, they just forget to tell each other......

10 comments:

Rainbow dreams said...

I rather think certain parts of us evolve, our ideas and perceptions might change, sometimes so gradually that others might not be aware unless we communicate it, but that intrinsically we remain the same - I'm not sure people do change radically .... just redefine the edges to give a different appearance..

only my thoughts though...

mister tumnus said...

i think people can change radically. i hope so.

mister tumnus said...

of course what looks like an outward change might just be what happens when one becomes oneself more fully. so it's not a 'change' as such, and yet the change can be undeniable.

i think that's what i'm really hoping for.

mister tumnus said...

but i have to say i don't understand what peggy campolo was getting at. what did she mean?

Rainbow dreams said...

I think in essence we stay who we are, through everything - but from the outside we can appear to have changed.I think we can modify our behaviour greatly, to the extent it looks like we have changed - I think we might even manage to kid ourselves we have changed, but I'm not sure its any more than learning from experience, continually evaluating our beliefs and developing our ideas.
I don't think we can change who we actually are - the bit inside that I have known since I was a child, will always be there, the place I retreat to when I need to escape from life; and the characteristics that make me, me, I don't think they change.
I was wondering if she meant more about the communication part than the change as I pondered this today....maybe not

Rainbow dreams said...

Oh heck thats a lot of I thinks!!!

mister tumnus said...

surely learning and evaulating and modifying behaviour is 'changing'? i guess what we're saying here is that the concept of 'change' needs to be defined.

in my experience (of others and myself) it is vital to believe that we can change. in some cases it's a life or death situation. not only because of behaviour (someone who has anorexia for example needs to change their behaviour) but also because it is sometimes due to beliefs about oneself which 'causes' the behaviour. if i believe the very essence of 'me' is someone who cannot deal with whatever i am experiencing, and if i believe that that 'me' cannot change, then i'm in big trouble.

but the discussion here is about what 'change' really is. and also about what 'me' really is. and that's all a bit tricky...

and as for peggy,i still don't get it....

mister tumnus said...

:)

Rainbow dreams said...

The reason I don't think the 'me' ever completely leaves us is, that I think 'me' is who we are when we are stripped bare and vulnerable - it is intrinsically who we are - almost before we have beliefs.
The rest as I see it is like layers we put on - I agree that we can change both in beliefs and behaviour - and that that is essential sometimes - can think of many examples too - but I think you're right - it is to do with defining change - The real essence of me is someone far removed from the person most people see... a realisation many years ago that I wasn't who I wanted to be, made me change some aspects of me, while keeping the parts I valued, yet I can still feel the old 'me' waiting in the wings at times.

I do agree it is important to keep communicating our thoughts and feelings so others know where we are at... somehow I'm not completely clear what Peggy was meaning either

Mata H said...

I believe that healing is possible. I believe that I am made new in Christ. So, for me, change happens.

I think what the quotation is pointing to is something different, more relational...more along the lines of people who move/grow into different personal places without taking those they love along for the journey of change.