Tuesday, October 03, 2006

And so it is.....

sometimes we run from the hands of kindness and every now and then we run from the eyes of friends, but you know, sometimes an open door is just so so hard to find

for the record, i am not wallowing...just being real, because when we truly know our devils and our deeds, we need to be prepared to bleed

(From the album "DUSK" by The The)

The more I see
The less I know
About all the things I thought were wrong or right
& carved in stone

So, don't ask me about
War, Religion, or God
Love, Sex, or Death

Everybody knows what's going wrong with the world
But I don't even know what's going on in myself.

You've gotta work out your own salvation.
With no explanation to this Earth we fall
On hands & knees we crawl
And we look up to the stars
And we reach out & pray
To a deaf, dumb & blind God who never explains.

Every body knows what's going wrong with the world
But I don't even know what's going on in myself.

Lord, I've been here for so long
I can feel it coming down on me
I'm just a slow emotion replay of somebody I used to be.


Jules said...

Welcome back...
I struggle not so much with myself but what the hell God is doing wiht my life. I got to the point recently where for the 1st time in 17 years after going thro so much pain and rejection in my personal life and from the 'church' I actually started losing my faith.
The only thing I could think of doing to pull myself back was to say.. I don't know why God after 17 years of waiting you gave me a precious gift and then you took it from me and I'm worse off than before. I don't know why, I don't understand, I can't see the point, BUT I believe you are good I believe you know what your'e doing and I believe your word to me is true. Words said through gritted teeth!
That seemed to do the trick and I feel like I'm coming slowly back from the abyss of un belief, but with no understanding!

Sometimes it seems the older I get the less I know. God or something keeps moving the boundary post and I'm forever having to re-evaluate what I beleive and how I live it.

Anyway good your'e back in cyber space.


mister tumnus said...

i'm glad you're back too. and it's funny because i was just thinking about joni mitchell about an hour ago. there's that eucahrist bell again...

mister tumnus said...

and for the record, when i read lyrics like that it makes me feel hopeful. i'm not wallowing either. but i know that thought; 'don't ask me...' It is a blessed thing to hear it from someone else's heart. maybe that is everything we can hope for.

and i think i know what jules is saying too, about knowing less. i think that applies to knowledge but also to wisdom in my case. there are things my daughter knows as she dances in circles in the kitchen that i think i lost a long time ago and i think if god is anywhere then perhaps (s)he is in that distance between what ana knows and what i seek to regain.

Mog said...

Hey there, Pádraig in Belfast here (via the haiku-blog of my small cat Mog) - often check in here at the Harbour. I like the honesty, the beauty, the enjoyment of a good poem or lyric or quote, the sense of gathering.
Hope all is well for you good sir.

Seeing Without Eyes said...

I have a question - as I habitually run from kind hands and the eyes of friends, what would happen if I turned around - would any of those doors still be open to me? Is it OK to turn around or should I just keep running?

Seeing Without Eyes said...

P.S. So glad you are back :-)

jazzshark said...

Steve here - just using a friend's blogger account (get it switched so non-blogger peoples can post!

That song is definitely in my top 5 of all time, lyrically - the rest of the album is so great as well. Love Is Stronger Than Death... oh, and the last song... 'If you can't change the world, change yourself'. Matt Johnson kept me sane through college. That album did more for me than I think I could ever list...

Awareness said...

The hands of kindness are never far away.
The hands of kindness wait to help you open the door.

When you're ready.

Niki said...

I'm glad you're back Paul. I am.

Niki said...

Oh actually while I'm here can I have a little rant away from my own page? I love my friends but man are they making me cross.

I want to develop my Christianity. I see it as a path to follow and teachings to learn as I try to recover from mental illness.
Why then do some people find it so hard to understand this? I'm doing it because it's my faith and it's what I have chosen to help me. It's on fragile ground right now, it's delicate.
All I ask is that people give me a chance and stop being so atheistic and dismissive of my beliefs.

My work here is done.

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

thanks everyone for the kind words...

The Harbour of Ourselves said...


It takes much courage to follow the path of faith (however that looks - and it looks very different for everyone)

i don't know if you would be interested but this weekend at Les Cotils we holding some seminars which will explore if christians know how to be spiritual with John and Olive Drane (2 lovely deep warm humans)

i think you might find it helpful - examining the question of whether human beings are intrinsically programmed to be 'spiritual'?

Niki said...

It does sound good actually, yeah. Would you be able to tell me the times etc? I don't think I've seen them listed. nikitaelizabeth@cwgsy.net

Thanks sparkle

skinnylittleblonde said...

Thank you for such a profound post!
Sometimes, some of us even run right over kindness & goodness, because we don't even recognize it until all is said & done.

Niki said...

Oh I just saw on your current reading list you have long way down by nick hornby - excellent book.
I've just finished one called a million little pieces by james frey - that's amazing.